


July

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, BAMF Eliza, Bottom Burr, Courtroom Drama, Crime, Dark, Dissociative Episodes, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Lots of Angst, M/M, Mental Illness, Murder Mystery, SOMEONE HOLD BURR AND TELL HIM HES WORTH IT, Sad Aaron, Sad Alex, but most importantly sad eliza, dead bodies, descriptions of abortion, sad Tommy, vivid descriptions of gore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-02-15 20:16:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13038621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Aaron Burr was comfortable with his life in New York. He worked a steady job as a medical examiner that paid good money. He had everything that he could possibly want, and for once in his life, things were looking up. When his sister Sally calls him down to Florida to not only help her care for her twins but help out an old friend, he's a bit put out. Figuring that it couldn't be that terrible, he went. Oh, how wrong he was.OrThe one where Aaron is literally embroiled in a murder mystery yet somehow finds the time to fall in love.





	1. Chapter 1

It was unbearably hot. Aaron had never minded the summer months, though he always gravitated towards the docile manners of autumn. But today, he was sure that he’d be able fry an egg on the hood of his car. A drop of sweat rolled down his forehead as he bent over on himself, generating a shade just dark enough to illuminate his cellphone screen. 101 degrees, late July, and there was no end to the heat wave in sight. He sighed, cursing his luck, and took a swig of the water simmering in the cupholder. Stagnant and lukewarm as it was, he downed the rest of the bottle. He estimated that he’d be able to drive a few more miles to a rest station, freshen up, and hit the road again before the dark of night settled in. That was the one upside of the hellish summers in southern Georgia, the sun never seemed to set. Just touching the steering wheel proved to be much more difficult than he had imagined. The words of his sister echoed in his mind once again. “ _ Why take the crumbs in New York? Come to heaven with me.”  _ And he had. He was never one to feel at ease in the big city. The hustle and bustle of New York had drained him considerably. Aaron figured that moving his practice down south for the summer wouldn’t hurt. Actually, he had planned on taking the scenic route to one of Florida’s many bigshot firms. Though he wasn’t truly involved in the cases, he commended himself on the value of his testimony. Whatever small town mortician tasked with a homicide would construct a decent write-up, and then he’d come in and do the job properly. There were no wins or losses with corpses. The only existences he acknowledged were those of formaldehyde and absolutes. Aaron took great comfort in that fact, though he still hated the word “freelancer.” Another bead of sweat trickled down from his forehead and fell to the dashboard with a satisfying  _ plop.  _ He snickered to himself, finding the irony both a little sad and amusing. A few months back, he’d been complaining about the North Atlantic’s winter. What he once thought to be a busybody city now seemed involved and innovative. It’d been a few hours since he had seen another car. The total silence, save for the occasional crackling of static from the radio, was unnerving. He figured a man could only take so much, or so little, in his case. Once, he had exited the car to pump gas and wasn’t physically able to get back in. A phone rang. The accepted line gave way to a cacophony of laughs and hushed, hurried voices. His sister’s unmistakable cheery tone answered after her children (Aaron supposed) had quieted down.

“Hey there!” Her voice was tinged with a deep Southern drawl that was specific to Georgian belles. In return, Sarah received a deep sigh. Aaron wondered if he was naturally a pessimist or if the heat was forcing a negative outlook on things. Palm trees were seriously overrated.

“You don’t sound happy.”

“A stunning deduction.”

“See, now I’m sure. You always get sarcastic when you’re annoyed.” He bit his lip for longer than he should have, clamping down until he could taste something metallic seeping out from under his tongue.  Aaron truly never meant to be sour, like he assumed most decent people didn’t either; it just came out. He found that it was coming out quite often these days. Sarah raised her voice again when Aaron hadn’t answered.

“How’s the drive?” That was a pet peeve of his. He absolutely despised when people asked questions that had obvious answers. Sarah corrected herself with a “not good, I assume,” before he could say anything more. 

“Would it be wrong for me to turn around right now?” It was Sarah’s turn to deliberate. The question was entirely too vague. Turn round back to her house in Georgia? His cramped studio in New York? Turn round to something else… something worse?

“I think not,” she began tentatively, choosing her words with a practiced, meticulous air. The way she spoke was almost sterile. Aaron’s nose twitched.

“Why do you have a weirdly existential tone going on right now?” The sun seared into Aaron’s eyes and casted mirages on the open road. God, it was  _ too  _ hot. Aaron forraged for his spare water bottle while keeping his eyes on the road.

“Maybe I’m feeling weirdly existential.” Sarah nodded, fully aware that he could not see her reaction. She wondered why her mouth felt dry.

They drove in silence for the next few minutes, both too reluctant to speak and both terrified to hang up. The occasional sighs and ticking of a blinker were the only cues to Sarah that Aaron was still alive. He wasn’t sure when exactly she had garnered up the courage to drop the silent line, but by the time he made it to the station, she was gone. He told himself not to dwell on it for long. The gray skyscraper containing the firm towered stories over Aaron’s head and adrenaline coursed through his veins, sending shudders down every limb. He’d be here for at least a couple weeks, providing medical insight and extracting as much impartial evidence as possible until it was time for him to pack up again. Still, he had never gone this far from home before, if he could even call New York his home. He chastised himself for thinking negative thoughts.

Aaron has known for a while that the number one way to stand out at a new firm was to make it publicly known that he was new. Of course, he had corresponded with a Mr. Washington a few days before he had embarked on his journey. He recalled that he’d be working with Angelica Schuyler, the least merciful of any prosecutor he has ever known. He sauntered into the first elevator that he found, finding it eerily empty. 

“Hold, please!” Aaron reached the toe of his shiny, overpriced oxfords in front of the automatic doors. Seconds later, a slightly-disheveled looking man joined him inside of the elevator. Aaron pressed the button that would take him to the twelfth floor. The guy beside him cracked a toothy smile, chuckling lightly under his breath. Aaron looked at him.

“You’re meeting Schuyler?” Aaron nodded slowly. He found it easier to “speak” with gestures and body language. He tried to avoid speaking as much as he could. He wasn’t entirely sure why. The man let out a low whistle, shaking his head as he took a sip of coffee from a Starbucks cup. 

“Good luck.”

“You think I’ll need it?”

“With Schuyler? Most definitely. She’s in one of her moods.” He took another sip of coffee before fishing his Blackberry out of his pocket and firing off some type of correspondence. Aaron watched him the whole time.

“A mood?” 

“Just this case that she’s working on. Has everyone around here with a stick up their asses, not just her. It’s sort of cruel when you think about it. Ruining everyone else’s day just because her’s is shitty.”Aaron simmered on the thought for a few seconds, then decided to push his luck.

“Case?”

“Oh, you know,” he started, waving his hands in a careless manner, “the Tooth Fairy?” Aaron shook his head. His eyes bugged out in disbelief.

“You don’t know? Guy kills a girl, you know, typical jilted ex homicide, but pulls all of her teeth and makes a necklace out of it. Hangs it around her neck and the whole shebang.”  The guy never really seemed to stop talking. He had no idea who Aaron was or what his business was at the firm, but somehow found a way to divulge pertinent information on a case that was, as he might add,  still open. Aaron made a noise of disgust to keep the guy talking.

“Right? That’s what I said.” The elevator dinged at “12” and Aaron made a move to exit. 

“Uh, wait!” Aaron swiveled around on his heel, his face displaying his annoyance quite visibly. The man did not seem to notice.

“I never caught your name.”

“Burr. Chief Medical Examiner.” He stared at him for a long moment, his deep brown eyes searching for something in Aaron’s that he, evidently, did not find. The air was still.

“Alexander Hamilton, er, Alex.” He put out his hand. Though it was a bit sticky, the firmness held a strange resilence within it. It was oddly compelling, so much so that the both of them seemed hesitant to let go.

“A pleasure,” Aaron managed to utter out before he rounded the corner, picking up his pace slightly so as not to be stopped by Alexander — Alex again.

“Mr. Burr! Right this way, please.” An excited-looking secretary strolled into his view, holding a thick stack of papers against her hip. One particular document stuck out of a manila folder, reading “classified” in large, red letters. Aaron looked at it for a few moments before glancing away quickly. It did not concern him. Curiosity hadn’t just killed the cat, but destroyed its reputation as well. The woman waved a hand in his face to capture his attention.

“Ms. Schuyler will see you now.” She pressed her hand to the cool glass, opening the door to cleanest corner office he had ever seen. Her face was stern, hardened by years of detective work. It was clear to Aaron that this had not been her first homicide. Beside her lied a heavy stack of manila folders, similar to the ones that the secretary had been toting around. She gave him a quick once-over, sizing him up as quickly as she could. Angelica Schuyler had one mode of operation: efficiency at all costs.

“You’re the one they brought me?” She asked, her voice falling an octave. It wasn’t as if she was disappointed, there was something else there, something that Aaron would not bother to figure out. He nodded anyway. Angelica stood, straightening her pantsuit and clicking her heels against the tile as she did so.

“Follow me, then. I assume you’ve already been briefed?” Aaron shook his head, eliciting a deep sigh from Angelica. They continued walking at their quick pace, passing by what seemed to be miles of cubicles. 

“I guess you’ll just have to follow along. That certainly puts a wrench in my plans — It’s a left here.” They take a sharp turn and Aaron is tugged into an elevator for the second time that day. It was filled to the brim with white-collars going about their business, packing into the tight space like sardines. Aaron was sandwiched between the wall and a man that smelled strangely of liqour and burnt cigars. Crinkling his nose, Aaron pulled his sleeve back to check his watch. Lunch time: just as he had expected. Everyone and their mother was going to be on the road. The ride was surprisingly quiet. Well, as quiet as a stuffed elevator could be. Angelica chatted lowly with a colleague, her voice becoming tinged with exasperation as the call went on. Before they reached the base floor, she had dropped the call and had begun to rub her temples.

“We’re heading to the county coroner’s. The body is not … in good shape. Are you sure you’re up to this?” Aaron wondered as to whether he should take offense to that. Though he would never say it out loud, he took a great amount of pride in his position. He was up to it. Of course he was.

“I’ll do my best.”

“No, you’ll do what’s needed,” she said, her large eyes peering up from under her smart frames. “‘Your best’ must be  _ the  _ best.” Aaron nodded in indignant agreement, thankful that his skin was dark enough to cover its febrile flush. 

 

“Yeah, I’m not getting anything from this.” Aaron stared down at the mangled mess of a corpse. The woman (they assumed) couldn’t be identified. The body was already in the process of liquefying, and the skin had been gnawed away by insects for several weeks. Twelve weeks, uncovered, if Aaron had to guess. Angelica stared up at him from under her sterile mask with a questioning look. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means there’s not much to gather here. I mean,” Aaron lifted up a half-skeletonized arm, trying to see anything of use, “look at her.” Angelica made a noise of dissent. Aaron stared at her for a long while.

“Fine, I’ll do a total work up, see if there’s anything I can do.”

“Great!” Angelica’s eyes crinkled with her masked smile as she began to peel off her latex gloves. Aaron held up a hand.

“I’m going to need everything. Suspects, weapons, anything and everything you can get your hands on.” Angelica nodded, having sobered up considerably. She still rode a high, though. This was the closest that they’ve been to any concrete evidence since the discovery of this girl and he hadn’t even examined it yet. 

“That could be arranged.” 

“Perfect. Then let’s get to work.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: graphic descriptions of dead bodies
> 
> btw: luminol is a chemical that bonds to oxidizing agents that makes it glow. it make blood glow blue

It certainly was going to be a difficult case. Aaron had been at the coroner’s since five in the morning and it was quickly approaching noon. At nine, he had almost dozed off on top of the body. Now, he was just packing things up. Though it was hard work, he was sure he had been able to make enough headway that Angelica and her team could construct a reasonable case. As he tucked some of his tools back into his satchel, he wondered what he’d get to eat. He figured that since his work here was essentially over that he could swing by a burger place, pick something up, and board the first plane heading north. Florida’s golf courses were overrated, and, truthfully, he missed New York. He paused his cleaning when he heard a commotion behind the door. He slung his pack over his shoulder and opened it. The bright sun seared his eyes and he brought up a hand to shield himself from the rays. Once he recollected himself, Alexander fell into focus.

“Hi! I brought you coffee. Angelica said you’ve been here for a while and sent me to check up on you. A nice gesture, she must really like you.” Aaron stared at him with a blank face. Alex shoved the coffee towards him.

“Well, are you gonna take it?” Aaron blinked and took the coffee from his hands.

“I guessed that you’d like black coffee. You seem like a very stoic guy, you know? That’s a compliment, by the way.”

“I appreciate it.” Aaron disappeared behind the door, leaving it ajar. Alexander followed him in, a smile spreading over his face. Before he applied to law school, he had been on the pre-med track. Of course, life had other plans for him. He shifted his gait as he watched the ever detail-oriented Aaron put away his instruments. He gritted his teeth at the memory. Life always had other plans for him.

“Oh, you’re already finished. I was hoping I could see you do your doctor thing.”

“I’m not a doctor.”

“I know! I just meant that since you’re in the medical field —  I guess it was kind of like a potato-potahto kind of thing.

“Huh.” Aaron took a sip from his coffee and pulled a face. No, he was not a black coffee person. Despite what his personality might suggest about his tastes, he was what they called a “sugar junkie.” He’d be hard-pressed to let anyone know that, though. 

“Was that offensive? Did I offend your craft? Sorry. I mean, I’m not  _ that  _ sorry, it isn’t crazy to call someone in the medical field a doctor, is it?” Aaron sighed lowly and closed his eyes. 

“And you’re probably not the person to ask that question. I’m sorry. I’m usually far better at networking than this.” 

“Networking? So, you plan on just using me?” Aaron asked, his eyes opening only half-way. He was talking a lot more than he did usually, and Alexander had only been in his presence for fifteen minutes. Aaron wondered if his chattiness was a good or bad thing.

“No, of course not! You know what, I’ll just shut up—” Alexander’s phone vibrated and he whipped it out of his pocket. 

“Another one? You’re kidding. Seriously?” Silence. Aaron could hear an indistinct voice over the phone, but it sounded like a woman’s. It tinkled softly yet held an authoritative tone. Aaron wished he could make out the words.

“God. That’s crazy. I feel like people are just dropping like flies.” Alexander began to laugh but was cut short by the voice on the phone. It was sharper now. Aaron smirked. Alexander was being chastised.

“Right, right, It was insensitive. Won’t happen again.” Alex hung up and sighed as he shoved his phone into his pant pocket.

“That was Elizabeth.”

“Who?” Alexander raised an eyebrow and headed out the door. This time, he held it open for Aaron, who welcomed the change of pace. He was sure that Alexander was not thinking about it as hard as he was. 

“Elizabeth Schuyler, Eliza to her friends. Surprised you don’t know her. She’s a lieutenant — oversees the Homicide detective squad. Nice girl. You’ll like her.” Alexander unlocked his car and slid into the driver’s seat. He flicked down the visor and turned the ignition. Aaron stood dumbly outside the car.

“I will?”

“You will. We’re going to see her right now at the site. There’ll be blood, and from what I hear, lots of it.” Aaron took a couple steps back. Not only was it already hot in Miami, Alexander’s interior was all black. He’d burn alive in there. Alexander noticed Aaron’s timidity.

“You’re not squeamish, are you?”

“Hardly. It’s just… not really my area. The dead bodies are brought to me. I don’t go out and get them.” Alexander smiled and patted the passenger seat.

“Great! There’s a first time for every thing. It’ll be fun.” Aaron sighed and acquiesced. Alexander pulled out of the parking lot and started down a road towards downtown Miami. Just as he suspected, the car’s temperature was slowly cooking his brains. Alexander seemed unusually relaxed, even at home in the heat. Aaron wondered if whether all Miami natives grew accustomed to the hellish weather. It must have been the heat that was driving Aaron to delirium because he piped up to ask a question.

“Why were you at the firm?”

“Huh?”

“You don’t work there.” Alexander laughed. Aaron wished that he could smile but he didn’t find anything funny. Also, he was too heat-exhausted to move anything, even the muscles in his face.

“How’d you figure that?” Aaron closed his eyes. The constant straining in the sunlight was beginning to take a toll on him.

“What would a lawyer be doing at a crime scene?” Alexander pressed on the brake and the car slowed as it passed over a particularly bumpy street. 

“You’re observant.”

“I have to be.” Aaron could make out the flashing lights of ambulances and police cars. They were getting closer. He felt his stomach begin to knot up at the sight. He bit the inside of his cheek in an attempt to calm down. It didn’t work, so he resorted to digging his nails into the flesh of his arm. More conspicuous of course, but it certainly got the job done. When he phased back into reality, Alexander was talking again.

“...visiting someone. You’re right, I don’t work there.” Aaron tried to return his behavior and the mood to normalcy.

“So you...?” Aaron began.

“Do detective work.” Alex stepped out of the car and Aaron followed behind him. A police officer stood in front of a yellow caution tape and makeshift boundaries. She held up a hand and Alexander flashed his badge. He then pointed to Aaron.

“He’s with me.” Together, they trudge up a hilly section of land before reaching the inside of Louie’s Bar. The first thing that Aaron noticed when he walked in was the stench. The place reeked terribly. Alexander plugged his nose in disgust. They both knew the smell well. Alexander, for once, said nothing. Beer bottles and broken furniture were strewn across the floor, and Aaron could see what he thought was a splatter of blood. He couldn’t be sure since it was terribly dim and they were tiny dots, but he would be willing to bet money on it. He began to approach it, completely and totally entranced by it. Upon closer inspection, Aaron thought that he could make out a whorl. He continued staring at the handprint until he was shaken out of his thoughts by that same tinkling voice. A woman had appeared and she was sticking her hand out for a handshake. Aaron quickly took it.

“Elizabeth Schuyler, head of Homicide,” Elizabeth nodded to the right in Alexander’s direction, “he said that you could help us out.” Aaron turned to look at Alexander who had a pathetic, pleading look on his face. He sighed.

“Maybe.” Elizabeth shrugged, taking the “maybe” in stride. She beckoned for the  two of them to follow her out back. The back door led to a sketchy alley, dirtier than the bar inside. Then, Aaron saw them. One was a girl, the other a boy. Their hands were clasped together tightly, but their bodies were just as mangled as the girl he’d just finished working on. Something here was different. For a moment, he couldn’t place his finger on it. He stood, staring at the corpses with a blank stare. Someone put a hand on his shoulder. He turned and Elizabeth was staring up at him with her big, brown eyes.

“You good?” He shrugged off her grip, not so violently that it would be seen as disrespectful, though.

“Fine.” Aaron bent down to examine the sutures holding their hands together up close. Elizabeth and Alexander shared a look and crossed their arms over their chests. After a beat of silence, Alexander began to shift.

“What’re you seeing?” Elizabeth slapped his arm and shushed him. Their relationship was almost familial.

“Give him time to work!” She hissed under her breath.

“Can I get some gloves?” Aaron asked, his eyes still trained on the skin color of this woman. She was black, so he hadn’t expected her to lose all color, but certainly more than she had retained. Elizabeth passed him two blue nitrile gloves and he slipped them on. He felt her skin.

“Just as I expected…” He whispered. Alexander huffed in frustration. He was never one that liked to be kept waiting.

“This body is new.” Alexander scoffed and bent down to join him. His gloved hands plucked a maggot from the gaping hole in the woman’s stomach.

“New? There are literal grubs infesting her body.” Elizabeth joined them in a squat beside the body.

“Look closer, Alex. There’s only three in that hole,” Eliza began in a soft voice,  “even on a surface level, that’s a low number. And her skin hasn’t even greyed out yet.” Aaron nodded, plucking a maggot up from the wound and studied its color.

“My thoughts exactly, but these aren’t maggots. They’re too yellow for that and they've hardly eaten away at anything.” Aaron held one closer to his face.

“Yeah, these are definitely bee larvae.” Eliza cocked her head to the side and Alex leaned in closer to inspect the larva. It wriggled in Aaron’s fingers until he crushed it.

"And these sutures. They're nearly perfect." Alex took a peek at the sutures as well. He let out a sigh before speaking.

"Our guy definitely isn't an amateur, but then again...bees? And fake blood? It's like they're a super-skilled ten year-old." Aaron nodded. He found his mind still slipping back to the whorl he'd seen.

“So, what do you think, Burr?” Alexander asked. Aaron looked up at him and then to Elizabeth. He stood, dusted off his pants, and began to remove the gloves off his fingers.

“I think the blood’s too red to be blood. I think the bodies are new. I think the bugs were planted there. Drawing up conclusions from that isn’t in my job description.” Eliza smirked.

“That’s fair. You were a lot of help,” Elizabeth smiled at Aaron and the, sobering, she turned towards Alexander. 

“Make sure that everything here gets submitted to evidence. Hey, and try to control the police force, will you? They’re clumsy and they will step on anything and everything if you give them chance. I want everything sprayed down with luminol if there’s even a  _ trace _ of real blood in this place, I want to see it.” Alexander nodded.

“Got it.” He began to walk off, heading in the direction of a police officer who thought it would be a good idea to eat at a crime scene.

“Hey, smartass!” He began. Elizabeth winced as he took the donut of some unsuspecting officer and threw it out the window. Aaron just stared at him. Elizabeth leaned towards Aaron and spoke under her breath.

“Alex isn’t the most discreet person, but he’s one of the most decorated officers on my team. He’s smart and he’s  _ tough _ . Tougher than steel.” Aaron rested against a rickety iron grating. It seemed odd to be having a conversation amongst the dead, but he figured that Elizabeth had gotten used to it.

“You know, I can tell he already likes you. It’ll take some time for you to warm up to him, too, though. Lord knows it took me a while, then I ended up marrying him. He grows on people.” Elizabeth laughed lightly to herself. She spoke as if Aaron wasn’t listening. He remained silent, and the last semblance of a conversation disappeared. It seemed like she was just bearing her soul at this point.

“Anyway, I got pregnant and I guess he couldn’t handle it. Well, neither of us could really handle it.” She had closed her eyes now and had a hand over her stomach. Her eyebrows creased in pain, the emotional kind. 

“He was a boy.”

“I’m sorry.” Aaron said. Elizabeth opened her eyes, seemingly shocked that she had just spilled as much information as she did. She removed her hand from her stomach and began to wring them.

“And I did not need to go that in depth. Do me a favor and forget everything that I just said.” Aaron nodded slowly, still not totally sure of what had just happened.

“Thank you.” Elizabeth skittered off, her boots pounding against the asphalt.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yoo we in this ! yes i did get kind of feminist-y towards the end sue me if u dont like it dont read ok  
> also updates will be way more frequent! i was partyin but now that the holidays are over i have a lot of time to just sit down and write. gosh remember when i said i only cared about Aaron?? i lied. add eliza to that list i love her

Aaron had absolutely zero reason to stay in Florida. He had gone there as a favor to his sister. She often needed help taking care of her daughters and ordinary chores, so he made it a priority to swing by down south every couple months. Sally had managed to fix a work arrangement up with Angelica, a high-school friend of hers, so Aaron figured that it wouldn’t be a complete waste of time. On his off-days, he would go and spend time with his nieces. They were twins, Haven and Darcy, and they were the most beautiful human beings that he had ever seen. Their brown eyes twinkled with curiosity and a total lack of jadedness. Looking at them, he began to feel wistfulness pull at his mind. He traveled back in time when he was that young, that curious, that excited about living. It hurt him to look at them. He loved them to Jupiter and three times back, but it hurt him. So, when his business was over and Sally was satisfied, he had absolutely zero reason to stay in Florida. Sally had just gotten off the phone with the daycare. She worked long hours and was still saving up for a car. Every day, her kids spent hours sitting at the daycare waiting to be picked up. She guessed that the teachers there had gotten tired of waiting until 9’o clock to get back to their families. In return, they kicked hers out onto the curb. Now, Sally would have to find another daycare that wouldn’t mind her lateness, or at least could tolerate it for a while. The next one she found would no doubt be more expensive than the last. She examined herself in a spoon. Her hair was messily tied up into a ponytail and her dark circles were so large that they threatened to swallow her face. Aaron was holding Haven in his lap and he bounced his leg slightly. Haven would giggle every time his leg went up. She was always more active than Darcy, who was fast asleep in bed by now. It was an hour passed Haven’s bedtime three hours ago.

“How was it?” Aaron asked. Sally slammed her phone on the granite counter. She buried her head in her hands and sighed, her shaky breaths coming out in jerked shudders. Aaron stood and walked towards his sister, placing a comforting hand on her back. He began to rub reassuring circles there, but she shrugged him off roughly.

“Go put Haven to sleep. It’s so long passed her bedtime.” She grumbled in response. Haven kicked her legs against Aaron.

“But I’m not tired! Unky, please tell Mom that I’m not tired!” Sally retrieved a beer from the fridge and took a swig. Aaron gave her a long, hard look which she returned with one of contempt. Haven hadn’t seemed to notice the war that was brewing between them through eye contact. She continued to throw a tantrum, kicking her legs harder and faster into Aaron’s side. The two adults stood, staring, Aaron at Sally, and Sally at Haven. She tolerated Haven’s screams and cries for a moment before she downed the bottle of beer and aimed it for Haven’s head. Aaron narrowly jerked Haven out of the line of impact. His eyes widened in stunned silence. A beat of quiet passed before he could actually speak. 

“Sally, what is wrong with you? You could’ve killed her.” He spit in a low, hushed voice. Aaron turned around to see the glass shards scattered across the floor. If Sally wanted to, she could kill all four of them and end everything then and there.  He hugged Haven closer to his body, trying to shield her from her own mother. The attempt on her life had only made her crying more loud and fervent. In her screams, she had woken up her sister. Darcy came out from her room carrying a yellow blanket tacked underneath her armpit. She strode right up to Aaron’s leg and began to clutch it. She spoke simply, her voice clouded with sleepiness.

“Mommy, Unky? What’s hap’ning?” Aaron turned around to look at her. He petted her soft, kinky hair and rotated her body towards the door.

“Nothing, okay? I think Mommy just needs a little break.” Aaron said, careful to speak in a voice that would not rouse panic in her four year-old heart. Darcy nodded, but continued to clutch Aaron’s pant leg.

“Don’t you fucking dare start spouting lies to my kids. I have been searching for a daycare that’ll take the little money I have to care for these fucking pieces of shit.” Aaron ordered the both of the children to cover their ears. Darcy followed his instructions immediately, but Haven began to ask questions.

“Unky, why is Mom so angry? Why do you look like that? Unky, are you scared?” Sally took a long look at Haven before she took another beer bottle out of the fridge.

“You wanna know why Mom’s so angry? Mom is angry because she is making shit money and she has to waste her shit money on two little pieces of shit like you and your sister.” Aaron covered Haven’s ears for her. Darcy began to cry, which only enraged Sally more.

“Oh, shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up! They never stop, they never ever stop fucking screaming—” Haven was voluntarily covering her ears now. He took the yellow blanket, Yellowie as Darcy liked to call it, and wrapped it around both of the girls. 

“Okay, we’re going. Girls, go and pack some clothes, okay? Bring just the important stuff.” Sally stared up at him, her eyes still tearing up. Her mascara was running terribly which only added to her demonic-looking effect.

“Going where, huh? They’re my kids. You’re gonna kidnap my kids? And you’re supposed to be my brother?” Aaron paused, watching as the two girls ran off to pack whatever posessions they might have had. They knew that once Mom got in one of her moods, it was best to leave as quickly as possible. At the age of six, they knew how to tiptoe around an abuser. Aaron almost puked.

“I have done nothing but love you, Aaron, and this is how you repay me? By taking my fucking kids? Who are you? Who the hell are you?” Sally was hysterical now. She began to dig through the pantry, throwing cans of food and boxes of cereal at Aaron. In her frenzy, she couldn’t land a single hit. Aaron ran to her and embraced his sister in his arms.

“I’m your brother. That’s who I am.” He felt Sally’s ragged breaths begin to slow and her sobs stopped racking through her body. In a few minutes, she was just a disheveled heap in his arms, sniffling every few moments. When she pulled away, her eyes were blank, devoid of light.

“Get out of my house.”

“Sally, please. Just think this through—“

“Get out of my house, I said. Don’t make me repeat myself.” Aaron turned around to see Haven and Darcy clutching their belongings to their chests. They both had tears streaming down their faces. Sally walked towards them and was shocked when Darcy shrunk back in fear. Sally reached out to strike her, but Darcy was pushed backwards and out of reach by her older sister.

“Take them. They hate their mother. When I’m gone…” She never finished her sentence. Sally stood from her crouch, eyeing the two girls with such malice and hatred in her eyes that Aaron couldn’t bare to stay there with children present for a second longer. He addressed the twins.

“Everybody packed and ready?” They nodded solemnly. Darcy clutched Yellowie close to her chest.

“Then, let’s go.” Haven and Darcy marched out in front of Aaron and out the door. Sally stood and watched them leave. Aaron turned to look back at her, but she wasn’t making any eye contact. It felt like just a few days ago when she was trying to lighten his spirits over a phone call. The few weeks since he had been here had taken a toll on Sally. No, these past few weeks had morphed her into someone entirely unrecognizable. Sally Burr was a monster, one that he had created. Scorching, acidic guilt bubbled up in his throat and he forced himself to swallow it. He’d take the girls just for a few days, just enough time for Sally to get back on her feet and start acting like how she usually did. Aaron nodded to himself. That was what he would do.

The drive to Aaron’s hotel was long, but quiet. Darcy was mumbling to herself in her sleep. In the rearview mirror, Aaron could see her furrowed brows and knew she was plagued by nightmares. He was more worried about Haven, though. She would stare out at the window, the glaring orange streetlights illuminating the stricken look on her face. Ever since they’d left, she still hadn’t been able to speak. It was only when Aaron parked his car that Haven spoke, and when she did, it was the quietest that he had ever heard her.

“Uncle. I don’t think that Mom is good. I don’t think I wanna see Mom anymore.” Aaron gritted his teeth.

“That’s okay. She’s gone now. You don’t have to worry.”

“I don’t want to see Mom anymore. Darcy likes when she’s nice, but sometimes she’s mean. And it’s bad when she’s mean.” Aaron’s heart ached for Haven. Just when he thought that he and Sally would break the cycle. She had seemed so happy to be a mother. Of course, she had been married then. Sally had a better outlook when she knew that she could depend on someone to contribute to the income. Aaron pledged to increase the monthly amount he gifted to her. Then, something struck Aaron.

“Havie, I’m going to ask you a question. You’re going to feel like you shouldn’t tell me, but you remember you can tell your uncle anything, right?” Haven nodded. Aaron took a deep inhale and began.

“When Mom is angry, does she… does she hit you guys?” Haven was silent for a moment. Then, she began to cry. Not loudly, just silent streams fell from her eyes. She had already done enough crying to last her a lifetime.

“She did, but she stopped.” Aaron turned around and looked at her for the first time during the duration of the ride.

“She stopped?”

“She said she would never hit me again. Darcy believes her.” Aaron’s hands clenched on the wheel.

“But you don’t?”

“No. I don’t know. I shouldn’t tell. I really shouldn’t.” Aaron opened the car door and exited and repeated the motion for the backseat. He took Darcy out and slung her over his shoulder.

“That’s okay. We won’t talk about it anymore.” They walk silently through the lobby, into the elevator, and onto his floor. His room number, 407, shimmered beautifully in the light. It was around one in the morning, but they were all so quiet that Aaron was sure no one could file any noise complaints. He unlocked the door with a green light and a beep, and the three walked in. The hotel room was beautiful, and though it only had one bed, it was so spacious that all three of them could fit and have room left over. He laid Darcy down on the bed and tucked her in. When Aaron turned to do the same for Haven, she jerked back and watched him with large, questioning eyes from a few feet away.

“We get a bath. Before bed.”

“Oh. Darcy is already asleep.”

“Wake her up.” Her bluntness almost made Aaron smile. He took one of Haven’s hands and held it to his chest. Haven patted it twice.

“It’s so fast!” She exclaimed in a awed whisper. Haven proceeded to mimic his heartbeat by clenching and unclenching her fists over and over.

“I know. When people’s heartbeats are fast like that, it means that they’ve been through a lot. It means that they need to take a break.” Haven paused in her mimicking.

“Like Mom had to take a break?” Aaron shook his head.

“Like how Darcy is taking a break.” Haven turned around and looked at her sister’s sleeping form for a long while. She climbed up onto the bed next to her and made herself comfortable.

“Okay. You pinkie-promise we’ll get a bath tomorrow, though?” Haven stuck out her pinkie. In her four year-old mind, it was the most scared of sanctities. Breaking a pinkie promise was the worst form of sacrilege possible. Aaron inter-looped his pinkie with hers.

“I pinkie-promise.” Haven smiled lightly and closed her eyes. Aaron stared at her for a few minutes. Once he heard her soft breathing, he turned to his phone. He had several missed calls from Sally, but only one from Alexander. Aaron was happy that it hadn’t been long since he’d called. He moved away from the two sleeping girls and returned his call. It rung only once before he picked up.

“Hamilton?”

“Aaron. You’ve got to get down here. They’re trying to rule this thing a suicide, but it’s so obvious that it’s not—” Aaron stared at Haven and Darcy.

“I can’t leave.”

“Why not? What are you doing at one-thirty that’s so important?”

“Things, Hamilton. I’m sure there are blood-splatter analysts on site, you’ll be fine without me.” There was a crackle over the phone. Aaron tried listening in hard, but he couldn’t make anything out. When someone started speaking again, it tinkled. It was quieter and more sensitive.

“Aaron, what is your relation to a Miss Sarah Burr?” Aaron sat on the floor, his stomach whirling into knots.

“I’m her brother.” There was another long quiet on the line. Eliza searched for the right words to say.

“I think it’s best if you came down here.”

“Okay.” Aaron dropped the call before Elizabeth could say anything more. Haven was awake, staring at him from underneath the covers.

“What happened?”

“Nothing,” Aaron strode over to her and kissed her forehead, “go back to sleep.” Haven sat up in the bed.

“Are you leaving?”

“Just for a little while. I’ll be back before you know it.”

“Okay.” Haven rolled over in bed. Aaron looked at her for another moment before he put on his jacket and left, locking the door behind him. He re-traced steps, heading back to the one-story house that he had just left. He entered the neighborhood and when he saw the familiar red and blue lights, his heart dropped into his stomach. He was pulled back into a warp-hole of time. He was sitting on the ground next to Sally, shrouded by a shock blanket. He watched as they zipped his parents up into bodybags and carried them away. At that time, he hadn’t understood that they were not going to come back. When he did realize that they were dead, he knew he wanted to keep his mother’s legacy alive. That’s why he became who he was. He stepped out of the car and saw the ambulance up close, saw the flashing lights, and leant against his car to steady himself. His eyes glazed over as he disappeared into his own world. Alexander and Elizabeth approached him.

“Aaron. Hey, Aaron!” He jerked forward to see Alexander staring at him with concern. Elizabeth was saying something, but it was like his ears were full of water. It felt like he was drifting off to someplace else, someplace not in Miami, Florida. He should’ve been on a plane to JFK by now. Alexander placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. 

“We need you to identify the body,” Eliza began, her words soft and reassuring. Alexander didn’t trust himself to say the right things, so instead, he opted to just be quiet. Aaron entered the house and his breath was knocked out of his lungs. Every thing was just like how he left it. A wave of nausea hit him as he took in the sights and smells. Elizabeth took his hand and led him to the bathroom. There, in a bathtub tinged with bloody water, sat his sister. Nobody had bothered to clothe her, but it wasn’t as if Aaron noticed. He just stared at her lifeless body. A body that used to read and laugh and wonder about the world outside of Georgia. A body that used to let Aaron sleep in her bed when he had nightmares. When Aaron saw her up close, he realized just how much she resembled her mother. His nails found the fleshy part of his forearm. Elizabeth and Alexander watched on fearfully.

“That’s her.”

“Thank you, Aaron.” Elizabeth made a move to turn Aaron away from the scene, to screen him from the disaster that he had caused.

“The cuts on her wrists are jagged. She didn’t use a knife. She never liked to keep sharp knives in the house. No, she must have used something else.” Aaron pushed past Elizabeth and dug into the bloody water. He’d done this may times before. It was a coping mechanism of sorts. He’d throw himself into his work, completely devote all of his time and energy to his craft. Then, at least, he’d be distracted enough to forget about all the trauma he’d been through.

“Aaron, you don’t have to do this…” Eliza trailed off helplessly. He continued to splash in the pink water, spilling it over his clothes and face. Each time he accidentally touched her body, he visibly flinched back. Elizabeth turned away, unable to continue to watch someone fall apart in front of her. Alexander, though, joined him by his side. Aaron dug underneath her and cut his finger on something sharp. There it was, tucked in between her thigh and the bottom of the tub. He lifted up the piece of brown glass to the light. His fresh red blood dripped down the sides of his fingers. 

“She used a shard of glass, probably from a beer bottle.” Aaron lifted up her wrist and stared at it. His eyes blurred slightly, but not from tears. He began to feel lightheaded as if he would drop at any second.

“These wounds are so… superficial.”Alexander nodded fervently, his mouth desperately trying to catch up with his mind.

“It’s a wonder how she bled out so quickly. You had been here, right? Just an hour ago?” Alex asked. Aaron nodded slowly, numbly. Elizabeth’s gaze flitted between the two and she crossed her arms over her chest. This path of questioning was inappropriate, but she was well aware of the fact that Alexander knew no bounds of propriety.

“I’d just left.”

“Why did you leave?” Aaron pulled his gaze away from the glass shard and stared into Alexander’s eyes. They were deep, questioning, and there was something else in there that he couldn’t quite place his finger on.

“Aaron. Why did you leave?” Aaron stared into the bloody water again. He was drifting off into a place of logic, absolutes, and certainties. His emotions held zero reverence in his mind. The only thing that mattered were the facts. Aaron was completely dissociated from the world. Then, Alexander began to press him.

“Don’t you want to know who did this to her? Don’t you want to know who killed your sister?” Elizabeth gasped lightly at Alexander’s word choice. Aaron was silent. When he spoke, it was hushed as if he didn’t trust himself to speak above a whisper.

“I did this.” Alexander stood.

“You what?”

“I took her kids and she warned me before I left. She must have done something to trigger her coagulopathy before then. Maybe she took something? A blood thinner...” Aaron trailed off and dipped two of his fingers into the water and traced the curve of Sally’s eyes. He pressed down, shutting her eyelids.

“But what over-the-counter drug could trigger something like this? Unless it was prescription-grade stuff?” Alexander asked, but he received no response. Elizabeth stood with her arms crossed and her lips pursed. She watched Aaron tuck a strand of her behind his sister’s ear and then she snapped. 

“Alright, I’m shutting this down. Alex, get psych in here immediately. We’ll need CPS, too. Her kids are nowhere to be found and Aaron is in no shape to be looking for them or to be questioned for that matter,” Eliza said, her voice raising in pitch and sharpness at the very end. Alexander stood to face his ex-wife. They’d separated years ago and had never had problems in the workplace beforehand. There truly was a first time for everything.

“Psych? He’s not crazy, he’s just shocked. We need to drill him now when it’s still fresh in his mind--"

“No. He’s not shocked, he’s  _ in shock _ . He’ll remember it just fine tomorrow. It’s clearly a suicide, Alex. Drop it.”

“Drop it? You saw the bruises, too, Eliza. Don’t bullshit me.” Elizabeth gritted her teeth. She looked at Aaron who hadn’t seemed to hear any of their argument. He was still so distant, lost.

“No.”

“No?”

“No,” Elizabeth finalized, “and I’m not about to argue over it with you either. I’m pulling rank. My department, my rules.” Elizabeth started to walk away, but she spun around on her knee at the last second.

“Make yourself useful and find the kids, won’t you?” Eliza departed, leaving Alexander to scowl at his boot laces. He scoffed in disbelief before popping a squat next to Aaron.

“Do you want to tell me where you took the kids?” Aaron pulled his hands out of the water quickly. He dried them off on his pants and stood. Alexander watched him all the while. When Aaron broke out in a sprint, he followed him. As it turned out, Aaron was fast. His legs were long and built with lean muscle and he was able to make it to his vehicle while Alexander was still ten meters behind him. Aaron had just started the car and was pulling away when Alexander launched himself into the street, sacrificing his life. He squeezed his eyes shut and waited for impact. When he opened them, he saw Aaron, who had slammed on the brake and sent the car into a screeching halt. Alexander ran around to the passenger’s side of the car and tapped on the window. Aaron stared at him and then rolled it down.

“What in the actual fuck is wrong with you? You can’t just run away like that!” He exclaimed. Sweat was pooling at Alexander’s hairline, both from the adrenaline rush and all of the running he had just done. He leant his head halfway inside the car to catch his breath.

“Haven and Darcy would want to hear it from me.” Alexander covered his eyes with his hands in exasperation. Aaron’s face was as calm as ever. Alexander wondered what kind of guy he had to be not to mourn in the slightest over his own sister’s passing.

“Haven? Darcy? Are these supposed to ring bells?”

“My nieces.” Alexander felt a pang in his stomach. His nieces, his dead sister’s children. He realized now what Eliza had been going on about sensitivity for.

“Oh,” Alexander wracked his brain for the phrases they had taught him in the seminar Eliza had forced him to go to, “I’m sorry for their loss. And yours as well, of course.” Alexander knew how bad it sounded, but Aaron did not react in the way he had expected. Aaron found a limp smile that he could offer him and whispered a “Thank you,” which was more than enough for Alexander.

“Do you… do you want me to come? If you feel like you need help or support or anything—“

“No.”

“Okay,” Alex said. He backed away from Aaron’s car and he rolled the window back up. Alexander watched as Aaron drove away. Something heavy pulled at his heart. He couldn’t begin to imagine having that conversation with two small children. He figured they probably wouldn’t comprehend it right away. That they'd at least have a few years of peace before it came rushing back to hit them. Alexander found himself hoping that Haven and Darcy would take it well. He was shaken out of his thoughts by a hard hand on his shoulder. He turned to the left and saw Elizabeth, fuming.

“What kind of stunt did you try to pull in there?” Eliza spit. It was the angriest that Alexander had ever seen her.

“I didn’t pull a stunt. I was trying to help you make an informed decision. You made the wrong one, by the way.” Elizabeth shoved Alexander with enough force to show that she was angry.

“You know as well as anyone how hard I have had to work to get where I am right now. I am new here, okay? You have been at this precinct for years, but this is whole new territory for me.” Alex frowned as Elizabeth became more and more choked up with emotion.

“I’m sorry. I get it.”

“No, you don’t. You don’t get it because I am a woman. I have to work twice as hard to get  _ half _ of what a guy gets in this field. So, you do not get to be insubordinate in front of everyone and undermine everything I have worked,” Eliza took a break to catch her breath and clear her tear-saturated voice, “ _ so _ hard for.” Eliza jabbed a finger roughly into Alexander’s chest.

“You don’t get to.” Tears fell from Elizabeth’s eyes, but she wiped them away quickly. The rough wool fabric left a burn under her eyes, but she ignored it. She was livid.

“Eliza, I’m sorry.” She sniffed.

“It’s Schuyler when we’re at work.”

  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> is alex catchin feels..............  
> binch u just met him

Aaron had been hoping that the events of the preceding night had been a dream. A terrible nightmare that his brain had crafted to revert him to his primal ways and  keep him on his toes, alert. When he woke in the morning and Darcy’s pillow was soaked in tears, he sighed heavily. Haven was already up. In the approximate half-hour that she had been awake, Haven had successfully figured out how to work the remote and turn on her favorite weekend morning cartoons. She was still in her blue toy truck pajamas and Aaron knew that it would be a struggle to get her out of them. The shirt was several sizes too small and exposed her midriff, but Aaron allowed her to wear it. He had searched for a larger size of the same set everywhere, but Target seemed to have discontinued the sale of that particular line. Haven would probably continue to wear it until it ripped into shreds on her body. Aaron hoisted himself out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. He brushed his teeth slowly, his arms too weak to go at their usual pace. His brain was scattered across the floor of Sally’s old house, just like that brown beer bottle he'd seen. Shattered.  He wondered when he would ever get it back. Darcy stumbled into the bathroom and pulled on Aaron’s shirt. He looked down at her and smiled the fake smile that all adults are obligated to give to children even if they felt like shit. And Aaron definitely felt like shit.

“I’m hungry.”

“I bet you are,” Aaron continued to brush his teeth for a moment before spitting, “but you’ve still got to brush your teeth.” Darcy smiled.

“What if I don’t wanna brush my teeth?”

“Then you’re gross.” Darcy began to laugh. It was a charming sound that was clear and beautiful. Aaron wondered for just how much longer that she’d be able to laugh and smile like that.

“Then I’ll be gross.” Aaron finished brushing his teeth and ran his toothbrush under cold water before sticking it back in its holder.

“Get your sister for me. Both of you are going to brush your teeth.”

“But I don’t wanna!” Aaron thought for a second.

“If you do, I’ll buy you something nice.” Haven seemed to have heard the word “buy” and came galloping up from her seat in front of the television. 

“Okay,” they said in unison.

After that, things went off without a hitch. Aaron managed to get them down to the dining hall and eat their breakfast. He even splurged and bought them ice cream cones. Darcy had chosen vanilla, a safe pick —  always delicious. Haven was feeling adventurous and got a swirl of pistachio and salted caramel. The flavors didn’t mix, but she was far too prideful to admit that to anyone. She finished her whole cup without grimacing once. Haven had begged him to go to the park and Aaron felt obligated to submit to her every request. Staring at Haven made him think about Sally, so every time she looked at him, he had to look away. Haven’s smile would falter and she would look away as well. It was better for it to be awkward than to ruin her day. Darcy and Haven were puckered out after several rounds on the seesaw and a game of tag. As it turned out, a game of tag was much better if you had more than three people to play with. Again, Haven wouldn’t admit that out loud since it'd been her idea. Once they sat down at a table to catch their breaths, Aaron assumed a solemn face. Darcy wanted to go back on the swings, but he stopped her with a soft hand on her shoulder.

“Darcy, maybe we should… calm down for a second. I have something to say.” Darcy sat down again. She clutched her sister’s hand and squeezed. She had known her uncle to be a bit serious at times, but never like this. Haven bit her lip. When Aaron had that tight look on his face, he looked exactly like her mother looked before she would snap. And when she would, it’d be fierce, fiercer than anything that they’d experienced before.

“You’re going to talk about Mom, right.” The question was phrased more as a statement than anything else. Haven had wisdom far beyond her years. Aaron turned to stare at the summer grass underneath his feet. It was yellow and crunchy; it hadn’t rained in Miami for days. He moved his feet around in it to relax his nerves.

“Yes. She’s gone now. We have to say goodbye to her.” Darcy looked up to stare at Aaron. She smiled coyly, just the very tips of her lips coiling upwards towards her eyes.

“Okay. When is she coming back?” Haven was plucking at the wood splinters jutting out from the table. Aaron watched her, worry beginning to crease wrinkles into his forehead.

“She isn’t coming back. Ever.” Darcy mouthed an “Oh,” but Aaron was quite sure that she still did not entirely grasp the concept of death and its irreversibility. He wondered if Darcy expected to see her young, beautiful mother sitting outside their door, ready to take them home and care for them like she used to, like she had before her divorce.

“I should be sad,” Haven said. Her gaze was fixed on a object that Aaron couldn’t see.

“Whatever you’re feeling is the right way to feel.”

“Okay.” Darcy stood from the picnic table and busied herself with the grass. She plucked two blades from the ground and began to fashion a knot from it. It wasn’t the most fun that she had ever had, but it was better than staring at Haven or her uncle. 

“I want to go home now,” Darcy said, her mood considerably dampened. Though she still wasn’t quite sure what had happened to her mother, the faces that both Aaron and Haven had on were not happy ones. She sank lower into her seat, unable to face either of them.

“Okay. We can get room service and take baths just like you usually do,” Aaron drummed his fingers nervously against the splintered wood, “it’ll be just like how everything used to be.” Darcy nodded, but Haven was a bit more hesitant. 

“Not the hotel. Home.” She leant into Aaron’s side and buried her head there. Slowly, the cricketing cicadas’ hums died down just low enough for Haven to miss their sound.

“We can’t go home anymore.” There are several beats of silence. Darcy sits quietly, her hands crossed prettily in her lap. She crossed her legs too, just at the ankle like her mother did. Darcy smiled lightly. She looked like a proper lady. Haven was as boyish as ever. She sat with her scratched-up legs spread out and she took up the majority of the space on the bench. Haven had never minded it much. Aaron had told her that all of her scars gave her character. Ever since then, Haven had never cried when she skidded her knee or burnt her fingers. Darcy thought about all of the great times she had at her house. She dwelled on the bad ones, too. Sometimes she’d be lost in her own thoughts  for hours (or maybe minutes, Darcy had never been good at telling time), but the good moments always stuck in her mind, and it made it that much harder to let go.

<><><>

Alex considered himself to be a pretty happy person. He had a close-knit group of friends that put up with him, a great job, and a tiny labrador puppy to come home to every night. He really had no reason to ever be angry, or rather, he wouldn’t have had a reason if he had never known Thomas Jefferson. Alex had to admit that the guy was charming. Thomas was eloquent, smart, and blessed with one of the sharpest jawlines to grace the earth. He was, quite frankly, the epitome of the phrase “tall, dark, and handsome,” but he was such an ass that Alex was able to look past all of that easily. Very easily.

“Alexander, are you even listening to me?” Alex looked up to meet the eyes of his arch nemesis. 

“No. I wasn’t.”

“You should have been. One, I’m the authority on stuff like this for a reason. Two, I just got finished explaining why that girl over there,” Thomas chucked a thumb to the sealed body bag that belonged to Sally, “was murdered.” Alex’s eyes drifted to the body and he remembered how Aaron had reacted. It was definitely strange that he was seemingly incapable of emotion or was against showing it for some reason. Both were highly suspicious, but Alex couldn’t determine which was worse. Then again, he couldn't help but be drawn to him for some reason.

“You need to practice your sensitivity, Thomas. You wouldn’t want to lose your job over a slip of the tongue.”

“Yeah, I’ll start to take lessons out of your book. Tell me, how long should I wait before I badger a poor soul after their sister dies? It’s something I’ve always wondered about.” Alex rolled his eyes.

“Shut up.”

“I like the way I sound.”

“Right. Can we just get this over with? What’d you find?”

“I already told you what I found. Had you been listening instead of—"

“Fuck off, dude.” Thomas sighed in an over-exaggerated manner. It seemed like everything he did was some kind of show, like he was performing for an invisible audience that only he could see. Alex found it sort of sad. Thomas stood from his chair and unzipped the black bag, revealing Sally’s dead body. Alex hadn’t needed a moment to catch his breath, he’d seen enough dead bodies that he was used to it. Actually, the lack of blood and gore surrounding her made it easier to look at. Thomas pointed at the purple-blue markings on her neck.

“See these?” Alex leaned in closer to where Thomas was pointing.

“No? What am I looking at?” Instead of answering, Thomas brought down his adjustable lamp and aimed it at her skin. Now, totally illuminated, it was clear to see the purple marks around her neck.

“Bruises,” Alex breathed out in relief. He had a feeling that it was a homicide. They were tiny, like thumbs, on either side of her trachea. She’d been strangled.

“Yes, bruises. I wouldn’t expect you to find them on your first try. It’s a thing that only professionals can do.” Alex bit back whatever insult he was going to throw Thomas’ way. It wasn’t exactly a breakthrough, but it was vital information.

“Wow, Thomas. I’m sorry I doubted you—“

“Ah, ah. I’m not done.” Thomas took her hand and flipped it over, showing the multiple pock marks on her forearm. Alex sighed.

“She’s an addict.”

“Precisely,” Thomas pointed to a singular pock mark near her jugular, “she must’ve been really craving that high.” Alex backed away from the corpse to examine her arm. There, too, a bruise was forming, no doubt due to multiple injections at the same site. She must’ve been suffering from withdrawal. He sighed. 

“Trust me, this is all very fascinating, but what does it have to do with the fact that she was strangled to death?” Alex lifted Sally’s chin with her finger to see the bruises a bit better. They were tiny, but there. Whoever strangled her had done their homework. Thomas tutted mockingly and waved his finger.

“I’m  _ still  _ not done yet. I thought they taught kids in kindergarten not to interrupt.”

“Sorry,” Alex smirked, “I must have missed that year.” Thomas raised an eyebrow and busied himself with flipping the body over.

“Yeah, and every year after that, too,” He coughed out under his breath.

“What was that?” Alex asked, but Thomas didn’t answer his question. He lifted up the nest of matted hair that covered the nape of her neck. There was a tattoo, an insignia of sorts. It looked like a snake coiled up on itself to form an “O” shape. Alex let out a low whistle. Thomas smirked.

“Recognize it?”

“It’d be fucking hard not to. A prostitute? Really?” Thomas shrugged his shoulders.

“I mean, she had two hungry kids at home. She had to feed them somehow,” Thomas paused momentarily, “and from what I hear, the girls are all clean. Everything’s voluntary.”

“Voluntary, huh? Not in Miami.” Alex removed his gloves and tossed them into a bin. Thomas did the same, but not before zipping her right back into her body bag. Sally had disappeared again, just like if she had never been there. Alex made a beeline for the door, eager to tell everything he had just heard to Eliza. Thomas held out his hands questioningly.

“Do I not get a thanks for this?” Alex paused by the door.

“I mean, this is your job. You kinda have to do it, but thanks.”

“I was expecting something more along the lines of ‘Wow, Thomas. Thank you for figuring something out that would have taken me years to do. I wonder what all of Miami would do without you?’” Alex smiled sardonically. He kept his smile as he walked out the door. Before it shut, he called out without turning around.

“Fuck off, Thomas!” Alex wasn’t one to lie, it felt good. Toying with Thomas brought such cathartic relief for him that he couldn’t find anywhere else. He’d tried boxing with Eliza, but quickly dropped it. She was a lot tougher than she looked and hated being dragged down by Alex. Likewise, Alex hated being the one doing the dragging, so neither of them harbored any hard feelings over the failed escapade. He unlocked his phone and dialed Eliza’s number quickly. By heart. People who were unimportant to him got contact cards. She picked up after five rings, uncharacteristic of her.

“Alex?” She sounded slightly out of breath and Alex could hear each and every exhale that she let out into the speaker.

“Eliza. You okay?” Alex asked, his voice taking on a tinge of concern. 

“Fine. Talk to me.” 

“Right,” Alex slid into the front seat of his car, “remember Sarah Burr? The so-called ‘clear suicide?’”

“How could I forget?”

“Don’t know. She was  _ murdered _ .” Alex could practically hear the shock in her silence. It was pretty deafening.

“No way.”

“Yeah, way. Turns out she’d been strangled. Real sneaky. Our guy is definitely an expert. Autopsy report'll be out in a day or so.”  Alex heard Eliza sit up from her bed and walk a couple steps away into the restroom. Later, he heard the tap running.

“Alright, you have my blessing. Go ahead and bring Aaron in for questioning, then.” Alex slowed his car to a stop as he pulled into the station. His hands came off from the wheel.

“What?” Eliza shut off the water and relaxed on the edge of the sink counter. Her tank top edged up, revealing a bit of skin.

“What do you mean ‘what?’” Are you getting cold feet now? You were so ready to get him to talk yesterday—”

“I know.” Eliza let out a breathy, confused snort.

“So, what’s the problem?” Alex went quiet. He thought back to the conversation he had shared with Aaron. His heart picked up a pace. He gripped the steering wheel once again to refocus. It was useless to think about things like that.

“Nothing. I’ll bring him in.” Eliza placed a hand on her hip and paced as she held the phone to her ear.

“Hamilton,” Alex cringed at the use of his last name, “if there’s something the matter on my squad, I have a right to know.”

“There’s nothing. Seriously.”

“Okay.” Eliza waited a few seconds for Alex to answer, but he didn’t, so she hang up first. Alex stared at his hands for a minute more before exiting his vehicle. He was never one to lie. Nothing was going on and nothing was the matter. Alex nodded. He’d keep it that way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lowkey short... sorry. it only gets darker from here folks  
> thank u for the comments, kudos, and hits y'all are sweet <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> damn i love eliza  
> damn i lowkey hate alex  
> damn i love aaron
> 
>  
> 
> thats the summary

Alex placed the tape recorder on the desk and set it to play. There is a short whirring sound, and then the interrogation began. Alex examined him. He’s shifty, nervous, and he can’t seem to stop checking the time on his watch. For half a second, Alex looked directly at Aaron before his eyes darted away to stare at the gray tile beneath them. Alex leant back into his chair.

“Please state your name for the record.”

“Aaron Burr,” he said, his voice barely carrying over the hum-drum of the office occurring just outside the door. It wasn’t scared or shy, just quiet. It was unsettlingly quiet.

“On the day your sister was killed—” Aaron took a sharp intake of breath, pausing Alex momentarily in his tracks. Aaron bit at the inside of his lip. Alex continued.

“On the day your sister was killed, you had been at,” Alex checked down at his records to see if he was correct, “3205 Cherry Bloom Lane, correct?”

“Correct.”

“Why?” Alex watched as Aaron dug his nails deep into his arms. Alex dismissed it as some sort of coping mechanism and listened on.

“My sister was recently divorced. She needed help parenting. Cooking. Cleaning.”

“So, you’d go down to help out?”

“Right.” Alexander practiced a known tactic that a good friend had taught him. He’d rustle around with his manila folders, make a scene of it, and check for any reaction. Aaron was surprisingly unaffected, his gaze remained trained on the table in front of him. 

“Something was different that time, though, right? Something happened.” 

“Yes.”

“Tell me about it.” Aaron stared at Alex for a moment. Alex stared back into his eyes, but now, he was the first to look away. Nothing was up and nothing was the matter. Aaron began. 

“She’d had some trouble with someone on the phone—”

“Who?” Aaron looked up in surprise. 

“I don’t know.” He whispered. Alex marked something down in his notepad and motioned for Aaron to continue.

“I asked her about it because she seemed so upset,” Aaron dug his nails in a bit deeper, “but she wasn’t feeling up to talking about it.” Aaron didn’t say anything for what seemed like an eternity. Alex beckoned him to continue the story.

“And after that?”

“She got so  _ angry.  _ She’s never like that, ever. I had no other choice—” Alex’s hackles raised and he leant forward. Every muscle in his body was contracting in anticipation. His nerves buzzed with it. This was the moment right before the confession. The answer. Alex could hardly contain himself.

“You had no other choice but to do what?” Aaron stared up from his point on the table to Alex.

“I had to leave. I had to take them and leave.” Alex relaxed. He wasn’t sure if he was more relieved or more disappointed. He knew for a fact that Eliza would be pissed. 

“Why didn’t you have a choice?” Aaron looked away.

“Why couldn’t they stay with their mother?” A tighter grip.

“She hit her. She tried to hit her again in front of me. So I left.” 

“You… left?” Aaron nodded.

“I mean, it would be understandable if you did. Someone’s getting violent, things escalate,” Alex clicked his pen decisively, “and you get violent as well?” Aaron blinked twice.

“She’s my sister.” Alex cocked his head slightly at the use of present-tense.

“We’ve established that fact. Still doesn’t answer my question, though.” Aaron held back his anger and responded in a cool, if stilted, tone.

“No. I didn’t get violent.” Alex shrugged and scribbled something in his notepad that Aaron couldn’t see. He hadn’t tried to lean over the table to see, either. Not that he was concerned about making himself appear less suspicious, but he truly didn’t want to know. Seeing someone analyze you from the outside was unnerving, and Aaron hated being unnerved. Alex was still scribbling even after all of the time when there were three knocks at the door, one slow and two fast. Alex consciously leant away from Aaron. A moment later, Eliza opened the door. He tried to read her face, but it was a clean slate.

“Alexander. Can I speak with you?” Alex spun his chair to face the entrance and Eliza directly. He splayed his legs out.

“Sure.”

“In private?” Aaron looked between the two. Alex sighed and stood, following Eliza out the door. They went pass the office and into the hallway.

“It wasn’t him,” Eliza said, her arms crossed over her chest. She snuffed out a bit of air. She was frustrated.

“What do you mean?”

“Exactly what I just said,” she raised and eyebrow, “an eyewitness confirms his story. Looks like we’re releasing him.” Alex let out a small sigh of relief.

“Good,” Alex muttered. Eliza snorted in disbelief.

“Good? Alex, there’s a  _ murderer _ on the loose.”

“I know, I know. I’m just… I’m just glad it wasn’t him.” Eliza checked around the corner to see if any of their coworkers were listening in. She pushed Alex deeper into the hallway. There, it was shrouded in darkness. Only a few slats of fluorescent light made it back that far. Eliza spoke in a hushed whisper.

“I like Aaron, too. I do. But you cannot be showing sympathy for these guys.”

“And why not? You just said it wasn’t him. Forgive me if I don’t understand—”

“Then let me explain it for you. You are an officer. You work under me. If anyone were to find out that you were anything less than objective, I’d be ruined.”

“So this is all about you? You just want to cover your own ass?”

“Yeah, I do want to cover my own ass, and there's nothing wrong with that, either. You’re not the only one who has a legacy to protect.”  Alex snorted in indignation. Of course, he knew that what Eliza was saying made complete sense, but that didn’t mean he liked it. Eliza sighed.

“All I’m asking is that when you make decisions, you keep me in mind, too,” Eliza reached out to caress the side of Alex’s face. It was a tender touch, loving and caring in every way. A touch they had used to share when they’d been together. Alex shuddered away from it. Eliza’s face showed no sign that she was hurt by it.

“Why are you still so distant, Alex?” He didn’t respond. He opted to stare at something behind her head, anything that did not require eye contact.

“You blame yourself for what happened,” Eliza murmured. It was a non sequitur, something that shouldn’t have come up, but somehow did, and now that it was here, Alex had no choice but to accept it.

“I don’t blame myself,” Alex said.

“Philip was unexpected, we were only nineteen, and you had big dreams,” Eliza clutched her hand to her chest. A pain was growing there, just beginning its own germination, its own conception. A hurt long buried under years of repression finally being let out. 

“You know how I was. I was more than happy just to be yours, but you wanted medical school and New York City and renown… all these things that I couldn’t give you. Things that I still can’t give you.”

“You didn’t even ask me.”

“Because I knew already!” Eliza shrieked, both her voice and emotions reaching a fever pitch. Each breath that she took shook her entire frame. Alex pulled her close into him, but she fought him off. She would stand on her own. 

“I knew who you were. Philip would’ve crushed your dreams. The guilt of resenting your own kid would’ve eaten you alive.” Alex blinked before stepping away, just a few at first.

“No. I don’t want to hear this,” he began. Eliza reached out for him.

“Alex, please.” Alex took several steps backwards before dashing off, heading back in the direction of the interrogation room he’d just left. He barreled in, his breaths coming out noisily and labored. Aaron snapped up to look at him with an almost worried look in his eyes. Alex tried desperately to ignore it.

“Hey. You’re… you’re free to go.”

“I am?” Aaron asked, a confused little smile toyed at his lips. Alex brought a hand to his eyes and wiped it down his face. He sniffed and leant against the doorway, trying to assume a casual stance, something that drew him back into normalcy. Alex was great at lying to himself and to others. He’d put on an act if he had to.

“Yep. You can just go.” Aaron stared at Alex in a way that made his cheeks burn for some reason.

“No paperwork?”

“No paperwork.”

“Alright, then.” Aaron scooted out of his chair and stood. He shuffled past Alex, and for a moment, their chests were flush. Alex got a waft of Aaron’s scent; it smelled cozy and clean and of something much purer than he. Alex had to restrain himself for leaning back in for another sniff. Whether he wanted to or not, the moment had only lasted for a moment, and Aaron was gone. Alex shut the door behind him with a resounding thud and slid down the back of it. The curtains closed and he had given his bows. The comedy masks came off and Alex wept. Bitterly.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> um gross thomas is kind of too close 4 my liking not gonna fukin lie  
> so is aaron gonna be a sex worker or not? lets find out
> 
>  
> 
> btw there is nothing wrong with sex work of any kind if its 100% consensual

Angelica stood outside of Aaron’s apartment door. She, never one to sacrifice fashion for comfort, was wearing her usual black pantsuit. It was functional and oozed an essence of absolute efficacy, something that Angelica herself exuded. She took pride in her appearance, so even though the July heat beat down on her back and threatened to melt her makeup, she suffered through it. Angelica rapped twice more on Aaron’s door before it was opened. Angelica smiled.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Burr. I have some business to discuss with you.” Aaron stared at her blankly. Though it was a quarter past two, Aaron was still in his pajamas. It had taken him a few hours to put Haven to sleep last night. Each story that he had told only seemed to hype up her imagination more. After three-and-a-half hours of Alice In Wonderland, Winnie the Pooh, and The Encyclopedia Brittanica (don’t ask), she had cut him off, deciding that she wanted to tell her own story. Improvising on the fly, she told a compelling tale, Aaron had to admit. At the end, his only reservation was that it was uncharacteristically lengthy. Four out of five stars.

“What?”

“May I come in?” Aaron moved out of the way and opened the door just wide enough to allow for Angelica’s entrance.

“Please.” She stepped in. At her core, Angelica was a very “judgy” person. Her job forced her to be. She took things at face value and was not ashamed of it. The place, besides the occasional decapitated Barbie dolls hidden underneath rugs, was pristine. In the kitchen, there was a damp rag and a blue bucket tucked in near the fridge. She glanced at it before taking a seat on the leather couch. She ran a hand over the white material. Pleather. Aaron joined her minutes later with two glasses of sweet tea.

“I figured you’d want something to drink,” he said as he placed the glass in front of her. The ice cubes swam and undulated in the mixture. Angelica took a sip and smirked.

“It’s good. Better than I had expected.” Aaron raised an eyebrow, unsure of whether to take offense to her statement. Angelica smiled wryly.

“I assumed that Yankees only knew how to make Long Islands. I was wrong.”

“Partly. It’s not my recipe.” Angelica made a noise that almost resembled a laugh.

“You used a recipe? I rescind my previous statement.” Aaron smiled. It radiated a type of warmth that someone naive would bask in. Angelica was anything but. She took a final sip before setting the glass down. She wouldn’t have another until their business was through.

“I heard about the death of Ms. Burr. It was horribly sudden and I extend all of my condolences to you and her children. Truly.” Aaron only nodded. Angelica didn’t wait for him to respond.

“Even in the short time that I’d known her, I felt as though we’d made a strong connection. It was because of that fondness that I had for her that I fulfilled a favor of hers. Multiple, if I am being honest.” Angelica smiled a tight smile, devoid of mirth. She extracted a notepad from her bag. Aaron watched in apprehension.

“She asked me if I could arrange something down here for you. Small homicides, petty things. You’d work your expertise and she’d get a help around the house. At the time, I’d figured that it was a win-win.” Angelica began to flip through page after page of her notepad, each piece of paper filled with scribbles and receipts. She ripped a few pages out and handed them to Aaron. He didn’t get a chance to look at any of them before Angelica spoke again.

“At first, I had asked for money in return. Especially for something that would become a recurring purchase on her part, it presented as something potentially lucrative. You do follow my logic, right?” Aaron nodded. Listening seemed like his only option. He was so far out of the loop, and now he was becoming entangled within the thread. A thread that he hadn’t known existed until ten minutes prior. He involuntarily clenched his jaw.

“I knew you would. Ms. Burr said you were intelligent. Of course, I knew my prices were far too,” Angelica paused to find the correct words, ”implausible for her current situation. I was benevolent. I allowed her to pay me back alternatively.” Aaron paled. He didn’t like the sound of that.

“Alternatively how?” Angelica tutted.

“I do hate being interrupted, Mr. Burr. I haven’t interrupted you, now have I? I’m sure you will grant me the same courtesy.” Aaron shrunk back almost immediately. She had a commanding air to her. Angelica was the definition of intimidating. Had the friendliness that she exhibited before all been an act? Aaron wasn’t sure what to make of this new Angelica. He bit the inside of his cheek, finding refuge in the grooves that his molars tore.

“Instead of asking for money, I asked for her continued cooperation on a private matter, one that I will not be extending to you the terms and intricacies of. Since she has sadly passed away, her dues fall on her next of kin. The primary concern of my visit is to receive my full compensation.” Aaron looked down at the folds of white paper in his hands. He flipped through them until he got to the the very last page. In bright red ink, Angelica had circled a sum of fifteen million dollars. Aaron’s eyes widened and he stared up to meet Angelica’s lidded, calm ones. She smiled sinisterly.

“Would you like to select an alternative method of payment, Mr. Burr?”

<><><>

The air was cloyingly sweet outside of Sunshine Day School. Roses grew untrimmed and boisterously, seeming to kick and punch at the blacktop as it creeped into its domain. More likely than not, the roses had been planted there and had been neglected and forgotten enough to become the crabgrass it was now. There was more thorn than flower and Aaron found that quite fitting. Too fitting. He purposely squashed a few of the blooms underneath his stride as he walked towards the school. The  _ crunch  _ was unexpected. He figured that was what a dry summer could do to a plant; a person. He twisted his toe into the shrub until all that was left was a smattering of yellow-green dust on the pavement. Had he done the world a favor? Had he restored the world back to its pre-entropic state, before the roses had dared to encroach into a place that it hadn’t claimed? His thoughts soured. They were still roses after all. Surely, they were still of some beauty and value. He pulled his foot back into a neutral position.

“Hello, there.” Aaron looked up to lock eyes with a man with a too-confident-borderline-arrogant smile. He recognized him immediately as Thomas Jefferson. Born from old money, Jefferson had no need to work a day in his life. The two of them were alike in that way, though Jefferson’s family was no doubt worth millions. Aaron shuddered. Fifteen millions, perhaps.

“Hi,” Aaron said. Thomas pointed towards the school. Behind the sand-dusted window, Aaron could actually see Haven playing with putty beside a young boy he hadn’t yet met.

“You got kids here?”

“My nieces.”

“Haven and Darcy?” Aaron turned his attention back towards Thomas.

“You knew?”

  
“I do my homework.” Aaron walked back towards his car. His nieces would be waiting for him a bit longer.

“I hadn’t realized that I was an assignment.” Thomas held his arms up in defense and Aaron’s tense shoulders relaxed only slightly.

“So defensive. I just like to make friends. You’re new to the area. I figured I’d help you out. Settle you in.” Aaron shook his head.

“No need for that. I won’t be staying here long.” Thomas seemed shocked by that answer. Aaron’s eyes lingered on the lines in his forehead created by his raised eyebrows.

“Leaving? So soon?”

“As soon as possible.”

“Surely, you have some unfinished business here?”

“Can’t say that I do,” Aaron finalized. He could tell by the look in Thomas’s eyes that he knew. The fact that he knew made him all the more wary of this city. Information spread quickly, more quickly than it had ever done in a big city like New York. Either that, or he was in cohorts with Angelica. The wind that had been making an effort at dispelling the heat had faded.

“I can help you, Aaron. If you let me.” There was a mutual understanding there already. Anyone would be able to tell by the look of apprehension on Aaron’s face that he was not prepared to act as an “escort.” His thoughts travelled to the huge debts Sally had burdened him with. Aaron was stubborn when he wanted to be.

“I can’t.”

“You can,” Thomas took quick, long steps towards Aaron, suddenly crowding him against the hood of his car. Under the searing heat of both the sun and Thomas’s eye contact, Aaron sweltered and shrank. He could practically see himself as a puddle beneath his feet.

“I can teach you,” Thomas took a spindly finger and traced the outer edges of Aaron’s lips. He allowed it. Aaron wasn’t sure if it was out of fear, surprise, or awe.

“I’ll be gentle. I already like you so much,” Thomas hummed under his breath in contentment. Aaron built up the courage to speak, to pierce a hole in what had been a plastic bag suffocating him. The sun made Aaron sweat and he was sure that Thomas could smell it.

“Why do you want to help me?” Thomas mulled it over for a moment.

“I don’t. I want to show you how to help  _ yourself _ ,” Aaron felt himself shrink again. Thomas backed up off of him. With the increased distance between them, he felt like he could breathe again.

“You’re stressed, you’re tired. A lot has happened to you today. Rest. I’ll call you tomorrow.” Aaron watched Thomas walk away and disappear into his Rolls Royce. Seconds later, he was pulling out of the driveway and rolling off eastbound, chucking up clouds of dust as he did so. Aaron watched until he could no longer see the grey dot on the horizon. Once he was sure that all traces of Thomas Jefferson were gone, he walked into Sunshine Day School. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gosh i think this is the beginning of jeffburr...  
> hamburr has a long while to go honestly ... does this count as slow burn???  
> still dont know which are endgame ships tbh  
> all i know is that ive only now gotten to the rising action   
> en joi

“How are you feeling today?” 

“Great!” Eliza was a bit too chipper. The grayish-green walls of the Planned Parenthood had gotten to her. She was nauseated and the more she stared at the popcorn walls, the worse it became. Still, she toughed it out. If she would vomit, she’d vomit with her pride intact. She smiled at the woman standing above her. Dr. Prevost was shorter than most and she could only just barely see the top of her head from behind her knees. Right, she was propped up in the stirrups. Eliza sucked in a deep breath. She was more than ready. Dr. Prevost slipped on her blue nitrile gloves, snapping them tightly against her skin. Eliza couldn’t help but wonder why she did that. Was she trying to intimidate her? Or get her change her mind? She sank further into the plush cushion of the operating table. Alex would be finished with his MCAT by now, waiting for her at the apartment with all smiles and cheers. They could start their real lives together. She held onto that thought.

“It’s okay to be nervous.”

“I’m not,” Eliza spit. It was filled with a lot more venom than she had intended. She was noticeably on edge.

“I know you aren’t. You’re a strong girl. I’m just saying that it’s okay.” Eliza curled her toes. They were painted a delicate shade of blushing pink. Alex had remarked that it was very becoming of her. She sighed. This was the best decision. This was the only decision.

“You requested local anesthesia?” Eliza looked up to stare at her abortionist’s eyes. 

“I want to be awake.”

“I see.” Dr. Prevost muddled around for a moment and then disappeared underneath Eliza’s gown. A beat passed. Then, Eliza felt something cold between her legs. She shuddered.

“What was that?” Her voice sounded more panicked and choked than she had wanted it, too. She tried to peer over the mounds of blankets and fabric, but it was far too tall.

“That was the speculum. No need to worry. I’m just trying to open you up and see a little better.”

“Oh.” Eliza gripped the handrail until her knuckles turned white. There were more metal tools, clawing and poking and prodding her like some sort of animal. A place that was supposed to be sacred, a place that she had only let Alex touch. For a moment, she thought about reneging on the promise she had made herself. Alex would be angry for a moment, but he would love that child. It’d grow on him. Eliza smiled as she remembered how Alex had hated their cat, at first. The Lord knew that she would love it, too. She was always domestic at heart.

“Elizabeth, do you need to breathe? ”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re clenching.” Eliza slowly relaxed her muscles.  _ No, _ she reminded herself,  _ this isn’t about you _ . She squeezed her eyes tight as the needle went in. Then, numbness.

“I can’t feel anything down there.”

“That’s what we want to happen,” Eliza thought that she was much too close. A whirring sound broke the heavy silence. This part, Eliza was sure about. The vacuum. She inwardly cursed at herself for waiting so long. Just before she inserted the suction tube, Eliza spoke up.

“Will he feel it?”

“Pardon me?” Dr. Prevost pulled back and gazed into Eliza’s wild, questioning eyes. She’d long abandoned any idea of keeping the child, but she could not quell the aching in her heart.

“When you take him out, will he feel it? The pain?”

“The science is unclear. We will never really be able to know—“

“What do you think?” Dr. Prevost paused to digest the gravity of her question.

“Some studies suggest that by week twenty, a fetus is capable of feeling. They’re tentative and mostly groundless...” Eliza stopped listening. The fiery hot guilt that she had tried so desperately to repress creeped into her throat again. The nausea, which had disappeared once they’d started, hounded on her once again. Her boy, their boy. Those few weeks she’d spent deliberating, rattling her brain for some other option had only worsened her predicament. She sat right at the threshold, 22 weeks. Eliza didn’t try to hold back her tears. Dr. Prevost stood from her seat.

“We can stop at any time.” Eliza cleared her throat.

“No. I’m fine. Do it.” The whirring sound continued. It got closer and grew louder and louder until it was the only thing that Eliza could hear. She was swimming in a pool of vivid thoughts and sounds and emotions, but it all still seemed so distant. There was a buzzing that never left her mind, and she couldn’t help but feel that she was floating towards something, something bad. The feeling continued to build and build, gathering speed and power. And then, it dropped.

“Eliza!” Her head popped out of the water and she could hear again. The world was no longer coated in blue. She sighed.

“Alex, don’t scream in my ear.” He shrugged before handing her a cup of coffee. They both had memorized each other’s orders. There were no words to be said over that matter. 

“I wouldn’t have to yell if you listened the first time. You had that tortured look on your face,” Alex slid into the seat beside her and whispered, “and if I’m being honest, I was sort of concerned.” Eliza pressed her lips into a tight line and stood from her rolling chair.

“There’s really no reason for that. I’m not tortured.” She took another sip of coffee so that she didn’t have to look at him.

“I thought about what you told me the other day. About how I would’ve hated Philip.” Eliza began to rub at her temples. Alex jumped to try and salvage the situation.

“And I understood that. I just wanted to know if  _ you _ wanted him. If you would’ve kept him if I… hadn’t been there.” Eliza couldn’t speak. She was faced with all of the decisions that she had ever made, decisions that she had told herself were obligatory, decisions that were her duty if she were to be a good wife. She had made the right decision and she had no regrets and she hated the fact that Alex was asking her.

“Just forget about that, okay? And for God’s sake, don’t call it by its name. It was stupid to ever start bringing it up again, anyways. It’s a chapter of my life that’s over.” Alex didn’t speak for a moment.

“You’re dodging.” Eliza scoffed.

“Alex, please. I thought you said you trusted me? That you knew I made the right choice?”

“Did you want him?”

“I made the right choice.” 

“Did you want him?”

“I did everything right. I knew you wouldn’t be able to—"

“Did you want him?” Eliza’s eyes burned, but they did not tear. She mourned for him. There was not a day that went by that she did not wonder what he’d look like, how his hair would fall around his face, whether he would inherit her freckles or his dad’s smile. She wondered and she mourned, but most of all, she yearned.

“I love kids, you know that.”

“I know.” Eliza pulled up her sleeves and leant against her desk. She propped her legs up on her chair. Alex watched her.

“You’re like… gorilla glass.” Alex let out a breathy laugh that Eliza couldn’t reciprocate. She just stared into something that was too deep or too far away for Alex to see.

“The stuff they put on phones so they don’t break. Yeah, you’re exactly like that.” Alex just waited for her to speak. She took another sip of her coffee.

“You’re tough, but you’re still glass, you know? You’re still fragile.”

“Don’t worry about me, Eliza.” She smiled. It was sad and beautiful, and it reminded Alex why he had loved her all of those years. 

“It’s easy to say that now. But I,” Eliza clutched at her heart, “I have  _ so  _ much in here. So much that I haven’t told anybody. And it hurts. It hurts a lot. I will say something and it will break you and that will be on me. Don’t make me do that.” Eliza placed her hand on his. It was cold and a bit clammy, but it was his, so she didn’t mind. She looked to judge his reaction. His eyebrows were furrowed deeply in thought, and slowly, realization set in. Eliza had said too much.

“Oh.”

“I wouldn’t change a thing that happened. Honest.” It was as if he hadn’t heard her at all.

“I forced you to. If it weren’t for me...” This was exactly what she had been afraid of. All of the fears and thoughts that wee supposed to be hers and hers only were suddenly being shared. Alex didn’t want them. Eliza felt herself shattering alongside him. Time slipped away into nothingness, consigning its position as a constant into the abyss.

“If it weren’t for you,” Eliza murmured. Had she harbored that hatred for him all along? It couldn’t have been so. That was the wrong word. She could never hate Alexander, but there was a deep animosity inside her that she held for him, for his rigorous pigeonholing. This feeling was new and unknown to her. Her mouth dried out as she had her own epiphany. It was hate for herself that she felt. Alex pulled his hand away from her grasp. It wasn’t rough. It was limp, resigned; the antithesis of him. Eliza’s fingers bled on the pieces that had been Alex. He stood abruptly and exited the room. Eliza could still see the pieces littered on the ground.

<><><>

“You look sad.” Aaron was sad. It had been dreary all day. The dark of the night had barely lightened into morning, deciding instead to shroud the earth in a sheet of grey. There was a low rumbling that Aaron could hear, but he wasn’t quite sure if it originated from thunder, wind, or an airplane rolling overhead. Whatever it was, it made him uneasy. He really did hate rainy days.

“I’m not sad,” Aaron tucked a piece of hair behind Haven’s ear, “I’m just thinking.” Haven took a seat beside him on the couch.

“You’re being introspective.”

“That’s a big word. Where’d you learn it?”

“Darcy and I read the dictionary once. Did I use it right?”

“You used it right.”

“Okay,” Haven said. She ran her fingers up and down her skinny thighs until they glowed red and warm. Aaron’s fingers met his lips. It was a subconscious movement. Tiny and inconspicuous as it was, as soon as Aaron noticed what he was doing, he pulled his hand away.

“What are you thinking about?” Aaron was unsure of how to answer that. Her six year-old brain was, thankfully, too undeveloped to wrap itself around whatever was happening in his life at the moment. Then again, Haven was an extremely precocious little girl. Her eyes gleamed as she leant into his side.

“I’m thinking about … obligation.”

“Ah-blig-ay-shun. That’s a big word. What’s it mean?”

“It’s when you’re forced to do something. Sometimes it’s not something that you want to do, but you know that you have to do it. You know if you don’t, there’ll be trouble. That’s an obligation.”  Haven hummed happily.

“I have an obligation to share my toys with Darcy.” Aaron lips twitched upwards. She caught on quickly. Precocious, indeed. 

“But you’re not a kid. Who’s forcing you to do anything?” Aaron sank into the plushy chair until it threatened to swallow him up. Even after that, he sank deeper. 

“I don’t know,” Aaron said. Just as Haven was about to pester him to tell her the truth, there was a knock at the door. He walked over to the door and peered through the peephole. He was met again with the face of Thomas Jefferson. He looked back at Haven who had already begun to busy herself with a game on his phone. He opened the door and shut it behind him firmly.

“What are you doing here?” Thomas smiled.

“How about ‘Hey, Thomas! It’s great to see you. I wonder, what brings you around?’” Aaron was unamused.

“Hey, relax. You’re going to get wrinkles if you keep on frowning like that.” Aaron just stared at him.

“C’mon, don’t be angry. We’re working towards the same goal, remember? Operation: Get Aaron out of debt?” 

“Oh, the one where I sign away all of my dignity as a human being? I remember now.”

“Snarky! I’d scold you for that, but a lot of clients like ‘em feisty.”

“I’m not doing it.”

‘You can make a million in one night, easy. These guys are  _ loaded _ with money and they want to spend it on you.” Thomas poked Aaron in the chest, just above his sternum. Aaron pushed his hand away. The idea was tempting, but he wouldn’t sink that low. Especially not now that he had two kids to look after.

“I have a whole life waiting for me in New York. I’ll book the next flight and forget that any of this ever happened.” Thomas tutted lightly.

“That would work, but you’re forgetting about the money? You know, the most important part?” Thomas brought a hand to tap at Aaron’s temple. He only tensed a bit. It was weird to think about the fact that he was getting used to his absent-minded touches. The guy was seriously so handsy. Then again, Aaron had never asked him to stop.

“I thought you were smarter than that, Arie.”

“Forget the money. Those debts aren’t legally binding. Also, don’t call me that.”  Aaron turned to re-enter his apartment. Thomas grabbed his wrists and whirled him around so that he was pinned against the door.

“What can I do to turn you from this?” Aaron could feel his warm breath ghosting over the side of his face. He craned his neck slightly to avoid looking at him.

“Nothing.”

“You’re saying that because you don’t know Angelica. You don’t know how far she’ll go to get what’s hers.” Aaron blinked.

“She could hurt you. Hurt the kids,” Thomas nodded towards the closed door. Aaron faltered for only a moment. He bit the inside of his cheek to summon some resolve. It wasn’t his nature to be so stubborn.

“I’ll take that chance.”

“Did you hear anything I just said? Angelica is potentially violent—” Aaron pushed Thomas off of him. Just as he did, the air seemed to rush back into his lungs. The world didn’t seem to have that rose tint to it.

“So, you don’t think I can leave?”

“No. Definitely not. Unless you had an army to watch your every move, you’d stand no chance. She’s got killers posted up on every street corner. You’re, quite literally, a fish in a barrel.” 

“Then, be my army.” Thomas almost laughed. He cracked the most bemused of smiles. Aaron stared on.

“What?”

“You said,” Aaron stumbled over his words for a second, “you said that you’d help me help myself. Well, that’s what I’m doing. I’m helping myself.” His gaze shifted slightly to the right to avoid Thomas’ scrutiny.

“Are you in or are you out?” Thomas crossed his arms over his chest and sighed deeply.

“You’re stupid and when this all turns to shit, I _will_ say that I told you so. Of course I’m in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shh issa filler

**Author's Note:**

> please leave kudos and nice comments (or mean ones)  
> it will either 1.) motivate me to write because people actually like it or 2.) motivate me to write because people hate it and i will finish it out of pure spite
> 
> have a good nite


End file.
